Top Ten of 2011

M83                          Reunion
Yuksek                       On a Train
The Horrors                  Still life
The Middle East                 Deep Water
The Black Keys                 Lonely Boy
Neon Indian                    Polish Girl
Kasabian                       Days are Forgotten
Active Child                     Hanging On
The Dcemberists            Rise to me
The Jezabels               Endless Summer

How to trap a Hipster or Bogan

So after reading www.thingsboganslike.com and stumbling across several funny hispter parody sites on www.stumbleupon.com I realised that being a bogan or a hipster isn't really that awesome for many reasons. Since these traps have started to appear in New York, hipsters and boguns all over the world have started to disappear---this can only be a good thing. 

The creators say ' "Urban Traps is a project where we lay traps for certain subcultures. Our goal is to protect neighbourhoods from infestation and collect different species for further study."


Hipster traps have been located in Newtown, Surrey Hills, Stanmore, West End, New Market, Paddington and most of Melbourne. Bogun traps have been found in Western Sydney, Ipswich, Beenleigh, and Logan. 

Hipster (wanker, try-hard,knob, bum-rubber,fashionista, squirrel) Traps Have been known to have in them-

Beanie, pork pie hat or greek fisherman hat

Wayfarers (with mirrored glass)
Haviana thongs
A really meaningful tattoo (and they're thinking about getting sleeves)
One piece of clothing that's hot pink or pastel
Stuyvesant ciggies (softpack)
Retro, fish surfboard
Messenger satchel
A beard
Shit haircut
Copy of Catcher in the Rye
A gram

Skinny Jeans

BOGAN TRAP

Ed Hardy T-shirt or cap

Winnie Blue cigarettes
A trip to Bali
Charlie Sheen
Sick mag wheels
Protein powder
A can of Lynx
Copy of Shantaram 
Australian one-day cricket jersey
Shit tatts with no meaning (and they're thinking of getting sleeves)
Old copy of Ralph
Schapelle Corby

Southern Cross Tattoo

By the way I have about half the things on each list!!! I will probably fall into a trap. 

Dating

People should first read- http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/ and http://wheelercentre.com/videos/video/christian-lander/ a satirical look at what white people like, and everything we think we do that makes us unique, but what makes us exactly the same as everyone else. I also recommend girls read that website before they hate me forever.

What I know About Women – Dating.

This goes out to all the girls who have tested me, thought my book smarts were intimidating or boring; thought I was gay because I never hit on them, have giving me STD’s, thought I was shy, didn’t relate to their feelings, and those who have gone onto bigger and better things without me.

All of my girlfriends have been typical white girls, even the Asian ones. One of my first girlfriends was really posh. Her dad was director of a large law firm and was always away on business trips in far flung places. She was a European White girl and wore clothes that she thought were unique, attention-grabbing and authentic. She also collected vinyl records and was a pretend vegan and would ask me if honey should be eaten by vegans or not.

My Asian girlfriend was really white. She had the least tolerance for conservatives, drank purified water distilled from the mountains of the Swiss Alps, was really snobby, was obsessed with organic food and rode a fixed gear bike (the biggest killer of hipsters in the world). I think she thought she was being unique.

“‘White’ is more about class than anything else. You don’t have to be ‘White’. You just have to be rich (rich enough to be able to fulfill as many things on the list on the website).  The white girl is very liberal, but only really open minded to the point of trying new ethnic cuisines. Oh, and she’s very open-minded to hearing progressive ideas she already agrees with. They all have English degrees in one way or another. And if they don’t, they read a lot. The white girl is very well-read. The majority of them are foodies. If you want her to consider you husband material, giver her the impression you’ll be happy to eat with her a lot. It’s expensive and exhausting being a white woman. She needs accessories like Moleskin notebooks and stylish, environmentally friendly transportation. She also needs time for the latest foreign-military fitness regime (including Zumba). In addition to the yoga, the reading, the watching of independent films and critically acclaimed TV series. Natalie Portman is the embodiment of the white girl. As is Zooey Deschanel. Susan Serandon is the perfect example of the white girl in her later years. She maintains both her self-righteousness and also good skin.”

It is my humble experience to suggest that Australian women, in general, are picky. But I have only reached this after first hand experience being overseas and reading forums and educated articles. But I don’t know how much an advantage an accent is overseas - again from experience, a lot. What I did think was funny and didn’t really surprise me, was this piece, “Women are far more choosy about casual sex than men, who do not specially care whether a woman is moderately or exceptionally attractive as long as she hops into bed, new research says,” at http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/13/2654188.htm . It even rates how picky some countries are.

“The white women’s best quality – at least from my perspective – is her ability to eliminate men from being feasibly dateable. Her standards are incredible. Most of these standards aren’t related to physical attractiveness, because she knows that beauty fades or can be fixed. Most of her criteria relate to awesomely snobby things. She’ll be dating a guy for a while and she’ll say, ‘Pushkin”, and he’ll say, ‘Who is that?” Bam! Relationship over. I appreciate this quality, more than any other because it’s allowed me to date many women. Unfortunately, this choosiness is also the white women’s worst quality. Because her standards are so sky high – as they should be – there is an outrageous amount of men who can’t live up to them. So she inevitably goes through a very difficult time before she finds her match.”

The quotes are from Christian Lander - from What I know about Women, SMH and author of the above website.

Danger Will Robinson

So over the last week there has been a death from a shark and a crocodile in Australia. The guy who died from the shark attack was an abalone diver and the guy who got killed by a crocodile lived in a Northern remote community. Both areas were renowned for having these predators. It also got me thinking would I avoid doing certain things or going to certain places because of dangers posed? While tourists shouldn’t be dismayed in coming here it is pertinent to be aware of dangers. Some tourists maybe knowledgeable that certain areas of Aus contain certain animals that you wouldn’t have around for dinner. As you would in turn become the dinner. Yet the same tourists may not be aware that there are reasons why you should swim between the flags at beaches.  Swimming outside of the flags could land you in the same position as trying to remove a snake from a walking path with your hands- dead. There are places on Australian beaches which are well known for sucking backpackers out to sea. Luckily we also have lifeguards to save you, although they would wish you had read the signs. Yes I know some signs are only in English but generally there are picture signs on the main beaches.

'In the 2009-2010 season, the overall number of coastal drowning deaths in Australia dropped to 82, from a five-year average of 88, said the report by Australia’s lifeguard organization. Twenty-six of those were tourists and migrants, compared to nine in 2006'. In overall drownings In 2004 197 people drowned in Australia compared to 492 in Canada in 2005.* 

It would be like me going to Iraq for a holiday; most people know parts of Northern Iraq are perfectly fine. In fact there is a burgeoning tourism industry; such is the scenery, as exemplified on Top Gear. Yet, if there were signs saying going south of here could pose detrimental risks to your brain or heart, I would think twice before going any further.  It would be like me not going to Yellowstone National Park because there are bears there more aggressive than Winnie the Pooh. I would still go there, but if there was a sign saying hungry lunatic bear has been scene further down the path, I would probably turn around or at least put a family a friend member in front of me.

http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/ABS@.nsf/94713ad445ff1425ca25682000192af2/41B9FAEFC2EF32E5CA256B35001586CF?opendocument

http://www.croixrouge.ca/article.asp?id=4606&tid=001

Australia Day

Great pictures of Australia at:

http://www.pbase.com/tvw/downunder

Great Aussie Song

Men at Work - Down Under by gözdealla

Remixed Version

Felguk & Men At Work - Palmtree Downunder (Niico Bootleg) by Niico

Great Australian Poem

My Country by Dorothea Mackellar

The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins,
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!

A stark white ring-barked forest
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.
Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die -
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the Rainbow Gold,
For flood and fire and famine,
She pays us back threefold -
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze.

An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land -
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand -
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

If you have a Southern Cross Tattoo, a sticker of it on your Car or House, you should go to this site for some very important information -

http://thingsboganslike.com/2010/01/19/67-southern-cross-tattoos/

and for information on your Freedom of Speech

http://thingsboganslike.com/2010/03/01/95-freedom-of-speech/

Best Mainstream Beers in the World.

What are the best mainstream (commercial) beers in the world? Not including, micro or boutique brews.

My list

Weihnstephaner Hefeweißen – Bavaria, Germany

Duvel – Breendonk, Belgium

Coopers Sparking Ale – Adelaide, Australia

La Fin Du Monde – Quebec, Canada

Budweiser Budvar – Pilzen, Czech Republic

Guinness Stout – Dublin, Ireland

Velke Brezno – Pilzen, Czech Republic

Duckstein Original – Hamburg, Germany

James Boags – Tasmania, Australia

Rochefort 10 – Rochefort, Belgium

Hockey In Canada from the perspective of an Aussie

Growing up in Australia the only sports I cared for were League and Cricket with a dash of Rugby and (field) Hockey on the side. I believe some Mexicans (Victorians) support a game going by the name of AFL, but I’m not sure.

Going to Canada one of things I noticed after landing in Vancouver were these flags spruiking some sort of dolphin creature. I quickly got told that this wasn’t a flying, friendly dolphin but rather symbolised the Vancouver Hockey team. The dolphin was in fact a Killer Whale and that the Vancouver fans not the team should be feared. 

I was also became accustomed to women wearing these outfits.

I quickly learnt that Canadians dislike it when you call their game ‘Ice Hockey’. They call our Hockey ‘Field Hockey’ and think it’s girly. I don’t agree, but it’s what they think.

Flying into Vancouver, I knew that I had to support a team. I chose the Canucks only because they were going okay and I felt that I would get bashed up in Vancouver, if I said I was going for the Oilers.
One thing you will notice in Canada is Canadians going for American teams. I couldn’t really believe this. After all, I would expect someone to punch me here, if I woke up disorientated and said I was going to go for the ‘All Blacks’ or the ‘Warriors’.

I never got to see an NHL game. I did, however, get to see the Kelowna Rockets play, a kind of feeder club for the NHL. NHL is great, it is really faced paced and it is rough. Kind of like League on Ice, but they don’t really stop the fights. In fact, they have designated fighters on the teams that ruffle some feathers from time to time. You think its hard fighting normally, try fighting on skates.


Everyone to my knowledge in Canada can skate. I played come ‘field’ hockey growing up, so my hand eye coordination isn’t terrible, but my friend Steph would still dangle (make me look stupid) all the time.

 

 

 

 

Anthony Mundine – The Good the Bad and the Ugly.

Please only read this if you understand sarcasm.

Anthony Mundine and Rugby League (see below for boxing)

If you’re reading this I am going to take a stab and say that you don’t like ‘The Man’. This is fine. I mean he has hurt so many people over the years, just like Julian Assange…Some people would probably even classify him in the same context as Eddie Maguire, Earl Page College or Sarah Palin, such are his crimes against humanity. Now you could hate him because he hogged the ball and bombed a try so St George didn’t win the Grand Final. Not that any player has ever done this previously or since. Shame on him! I know I hate the fact that he dramatically assisted the Dragons' run to the Grand Final, with a hat trick against the Sharks in the Major Semi-Final, I loathe him for that, and the fact he remained injury free the whole time and was signed by St George when he was 15.

What disgusted me the most was when he represented the Kangaroos in the under 19’s that beat Great Britain and when he played three games for NSW in the drawn State of Origin series. I loathed when he won a Grand Final with Brisbane in the Super League years.

Now people will probably point out that Anthony thought he would have played more representative football if he wasn’t aboriginal. I mean of course he was the only aboriginal player to suggest this- not. To make matters worse Laurie Daley later revealed (after he played representative football) that he was Aboriginal and he was the person that Anthony thought he was better than and Brad Fittler, in N.S.W. Now this is all well and good and you could say Anthony was an idiot for suggesting such a proposition. When we look at the statistics and recent allegations we see some home truths, since 1980, 30 percent of players who have played for the Maroons have been Aboriginal. http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/state-of-origin/indigenous-stars-get-better-deal-in-queensland-says-mundine-20100613-y63k.html . When it is all said and done Greg Inglis is from N.S.W. and played his first junior representative football in N.S.W. However, he has stated that he wanted to play for Queensland and has no desire to play for N.S.W. Tom Learoyd-Lahrs, the only remaining indigenous player in the NSW squad after Timana Tahu walked out (and supported by the people who voted in a poll http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/state-of-origin/indigenous-stars-get-better-deal-in-queensland-says-mundine-20100613-y63k.html ) also wanted to play for the Maroons but was knocked back. Why would aboriginal players, born and bred in N.S.W. not want to play for our State? Surely, there are accommodation and culture issues at work here. But hey let’s all remember Anthony Mundine’s rants and falsehoods and I mean it’s not like Queensland has been beating us lately or anything….right? Over the years we did choose to play Nathan Blacklock, Merritt, Beau Champion and Preston Campbell right…mmm No we didn’t. Apart from Lahrs and Tahu, Greg Bird and Jamal Idris are the only other aboriginal players to represent N.S.W. since 2006. I know when I was growing up the aboriginal players allowed us to be way more competitive than we would have otherwise been. All I had to do was run fast and step occasionally, happy to accept any off load that came my way in open space, which 99.9 percent of the time came from one of my aboriginal friends. One of them even went on to play for Souths. 

Anthony Mundine and Boxing

Anthony Mundine is not as good a boxer as he says he is. But he is not a bad boxer. If he were a bad boxer he wouldn’t have won any fights or beaten Danny Green or challenged Mikkel Kessler. I also give him credit for not being one of those sports people that retires and comes back. Danny Green stated "You won't see me come back. I am turning down millions and millions of dollars ... a lot of fighters stay in the game too long and that is not going to be me."…” 'I'm not going to be one of these dumb fighters that come out of retirement”. Thanks for helping me point out the obvious Danny. I’ll stop quoting you now, but I could go on.

Anthony is 36 years of age and is getting long in the tooth for a boxer. He is probably in a lot better shape than most footballers that retire who are 36. To put things into perspective Darren Lockyer is 33. I expect both sports are pretty brutal on your body. He also respects other boxers in proper interviews http://www.fightnews.com/Boxing/qa-anthony-mundine-2-68869 . But you wouldn’t know it, with what the media portrays him as. It was interesting to see him after the press conference with Garth Wood before the fight. Obviously, at the Press Conference Mundine was talking himself up, just like a lot of American Boxers do- after the Press Conference Mundine was joking around with Garth Wood, but that doesn’t make for good television.  

I think a lot of Australian’s don’t like him because 1) They don’t like Aussies who mouth off 2) They have tall poppy syndrome 3) They’re racist but won’t admit it (if you go on youtube- count how many racist remarks are made on any Mundine clip). It almost makes me want to go back to Canada, which like Australia has a less than impressive record with their First Nations people, but seem less inclined to mouth off about aboriginals in everyday language, for no apparent reason. When I was overseas people would ask me, ‘I have heard Australian people are pretty racist’ etc. These people didn’t know a lot about Australia but one thing they had heard was that we are racist! What am I supposed to say? It’s only a minority of people? It was all in all pretty embarrassing for me to admit that a lot of Australian’s were racist in comparison to other places I have been.   

Does the end justify the means? He is a brilliant self-promoter who knows the value in polarising opinions in order to separate himself from the rest of the pack. People are fascinated by him. People can’t escape him. He is a marketing genius. He doesn’t care if you buy tickets to see him get smashed or watch him succeed. He’s laughing all the way to the bank. Now, if he didn’t talk himself up like Ali would he be selling as many tickets and for as high as they are? Of course not! Do you think he would be able to do as much for the Charities he works with if he didn’t promote himself to make more money? Of course not! You could say, well he makes a lot of money so he should support Charities. But it has been stated by leading Charity organisations that they don’t even call some rich Northern Suburbs of Sydney but tailor their calls to the Western Suburbs, because they are more likely to give. http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/12/23/costello-name-and-shame-not-the-way-to-the-richs-pockets/ He has done a lot of work in South Sydney. For this I am thankful.

He creates interest and in turn people become interested in him. Garth Wood ended up being on Main Event instead of the Greek Club. Only recently 'Choc' at very short notice made himself available to attend a fundraising night for the Steve Waugh Foundation where he addressed a large group of people and then went around and personally met each one. Waugh likes him because he is a good person that decides to act like an idiot to make us more aware of him. It’s not like Waugh likes everyone- I’m sure he doesn’t send Ranatunga Christmas cards.  He often hands out free tickets to his fights at great expense. He lets you into his South Sydney gym to watch and learn to fight- so people aren’t on the streets. When Mundine was playing for the Brisbane Broncos, he had a driver. The driver's daughter was living on the streets of Sydney and taking drugs when Mundine moved back to town. He found her, took her to his home and put her through a detox program, nursing her back to health. http://www.smh.com.au/news/sport/our-most-divisive-star/2007/03/10/1173478728247.html He doesn’t drink or take drugs. He is passionate about children receiving opportunities and preaches the virtues of staying away from drink and drugs.

It is little wonder that people like Steve Waugh and Danny Weidler like him.

  

When Christmas Cards...Suck

I'm just wondering whether people get sent Christmas Cards from people they don't know? Like that Aussie guy who was sent Thanksgiving emails from a family in America for years. He had the same name as one of their friends. The news story became big when the Aussie decided to email them back, and ask if he could attend their Thanksgiving, knowing full well that he didn't know them...they agreed and they had a great time. http://www.news.com.au/technology/success-james-west-gets-an-invite-to-thanksgiving/story-e6frfro0-1225960177658 If people do get these cards or emails do they write back?

My family has been writing Christmas cards to families and individuals for as long as I can remember. We in turn have been receiving Christmas cards from families and individuals for as long as I can remember. I like to know about what people have been up to in far flung places, that I might have met once in my life, when I was drunk, lying face down on a couch. I do. But I also love and loathe receiving those Christmas cards where the people gloat and boast about their achievements and the rest of their families achievements.

When my mother or father writes about what I have been up to, they, for whatever reason, make me out to sound like some sort of homeless person, who is incapable of making up his own mind on anything. This is only partially true. I can be indecisive and because I have lived in about 7 different places in the last 2 years, I have at times been homeless. Until I have found a nice railway tunnel with a girl named Becki. All of this just means, ultimately my decisions often end up being very fruitful and I have enjoyed the places I have lived, for the most part (when someone can convince me that Newcastle itself isn't a hole, let me know, excluding beaches and lakes). I don't think they have ever mentioned that I went to University or went overseas. They are more likely to write that 'Tim' went missing for fourteen months but that when his indecision gave weigh, he would come home.

For the most part, the Christmas Cards we receive are modest and a great update on other families lives.
Then there is the 'perfect' family ones. The whole family has excelled to such a level that they are the next Kennedy's, without the bad fortune. They are the family who have gone past the Jones's. The phrase 'keeping up the Jones's, doesn't apply to them. The Father runs a massive organisation, which was only possible through the completion of his PhD. The mother has appeared on Masterchef and believes quite vehemently that she would be a better politician than anyone in politics, because she could quickly implement her ideals on the nation. The youngest daughter is already playing her flute at a 9th grade level. The middle son has already started doing HSC subjects at 12 years of age. While the eldest son, from the Father's first marriage, is studying at Uni. He doesn't know what he wants to do yet, because he wants to make money in the corporate sector, but this doesn't sound good for the Christmas letter, so he is thinking of doing Environmental Science, Biodiversity or Human Rights. Which he hopes will land him a gig in Tibet.

This letter sounds a lot better than the Christmas letter my family sends. The letter which makes me out to be a single, jobless, homeless person, who can't make his mind up on anything. I believe they also call me an imbecile. All of this is only half true. However, I am content in the fact that I can make fun of these Boast-It Letters. I am also aware of an elderly family friend of mine who writes back to these Boast-It-Notes in a very humorous fashion....she tries to outdo them. She waits until she gets the letter from them, then picks it a part and sends a letter back, showing her family is superior in each and every way. All of it made up. This works of course because the families haven't the faintest idea what's going on, so long has been the last time they met each other.      
 
On another note, as I have been living in a place that seems void of 20 somethings, I have decided to try online dating, RSVP to be precise. I have no idea if this is a good one or not. I wonder how many people will check out my online profile because I wrote it here. It is a little more tame than Julian Assange's online profile, when he was online dating http://www.pedestrian.tv/arts-and-culture/news/is-this-julian-assanges-online-dating-profile-/29915.htm people shuold read it, for its weirdness. Before you scoff, I met a nice Canadian girl through online dating while I was overseas, and we dated for a while. She didn't have any added fingers or toes and my friends though she was hot. All good signs. It appears Australia is a bit slow on the online dating trend though. If I move to Brisbane I will probably do away with it.