When Sweden + Sex = Prison

When Sweden + Sex = Prison

When I imagine Sweden, I think of bountiful big bosomed blond beauties in IKEA warehouses. I don’t imagine being locked up in a prison because my condom broke or because a girl didn’t think I was as chivalrous as I should have been. Julian Assange (Australian Wikileaks guy) finds himself in a sticky, legal quagmire…and I’m just going to talk about the sex claims. Some people may know that i have worked in tax law. The Swedish sex laws are even more complex than Australian tax law. James D. Caitlin, a Melbourne barrister, recently wrote, “you need a law degree to know whether you have been raped or not in Sweden.” Luckily, I have a law degree. However, the chances of me going to the police because I was raped by bountiful big bosomed blond beauties are remote to non existent. Back to Assange.

The two women went to four different prosecutors until they finally got a prosecutor to press charges. There are four charges, including, “ofredande”, which means annoyance. The girls are basically saying that Assange used his body weight (he’s a very skinny guy) to lie on one of them (missionary position?). He is also being charged with “assaulting one of the individual’s sexual integrity” by having consensual sex, but without a condom. The third charge is using his penis to prod into one of the individual’s backs, in the morning, after they spent the night together. This is what many people would call ‘morning glory’ (Charles Waterstreet). The fourth charge is, having sex with a sleeping woman (he was bad and she fell asleep?). I am in no-way condoning sexual assault, or the like. I am, suggesting that, Swedish sex laws are quite liberal. A judge in Australia would probably laugh at you as it seems evident that there was consent.

Now I appreciate that Sweden may be a fairly feminist country. But there is feminism and then there is feminism. Naomi Wolf for the Huffington Post wrote a parody piece on the subject and according to the prosecution- me, my father and every male could be in danger.

“I know you (interpol) will now prioritize the global manhunt for 1.3 million guys I have heard similar complaints about personally in the US alone -- there is an entire fraternity at the University of Texas you need to arrest immediately. I also have firsthand information that John Smith in Providence, Rhode Island, went to a stag party -- with strippers! -- that his girlfriend wanted him to skip, and that Mark Levinson in Corvallis, Oregon, did not notice that his girlfriend got a really cute new haircut -- even though it was THREE INCHES SHORTER”

The women boasted after sleeping with Assange on the internet, via mobiles and in the national Swedish paper. Incidentally, one of them has written a book on how to get revenge on cheating boyfriends. As Charles Waterstreet writes:

‘when people come together in Sweden to make love, all the myriad acts that make it occur require a series of legal permissions for every movement. You need a border pass at every gate, let alone entry point. You need your permission passport stamped before and after any visit to any part of the body. You may need a notary public to witness…solo sex, a form of self- assembly requires your own written consent in advance.”

Lucky for these guys they're in America.


Cheers Barnes.