Tuesday, March 22, 2011

How to trap a Hipster or Bogan

So after reading www.thingsboganslike.com and stumbling across several funny hispter parody sites on www.stumbleupon.com I realised that being a bogan or a hipster isn't really that awesome for many reasons. Since these traps have started to appear in New York, hipsters and boguns all over the world have started to disappear---this can only be a good thing. 









The creators say ' "Urban Traps is a project where we lay traps for certain subcultures. Our goal is to protect neighbourhoods from infestation and collect different species for further study."


Hipster traps have been located in Newtown, Surrey Hills, Stanmore, West End, New Market, Paddington and most of Melbourne. Bogun traps have been found in Western Sydney, Ipswich, Beenleigh, and Logan. 




Hipster (wanker, try-hard,knob, bum-rubber,fashionista, squirrel) Traps Have been known to have in them-
Beanie, pork pie hat or greek fisherman hat
Wayfarers (with mirrored glass)
Haviana thongs
A really meaningful tattoo (and they're thinking about getting sleeves)
One piece of clothing that's hot pink or pastel
Stuyvesant ciggies (softpack)
Retro, fish surfboard
Messenger satchel
A beard
Shit haircut
Copy of Catcher in the Rye
A gram
Skinny Jeans
BOGAN TRAP
Ed Hardy T-shirt or cap
Winnie Blue cigarettes
A trip to Bali
Charlie Sheen
Sick mag wheels
Protein powder
A can of Lynx
Copy of Shantaram 
Australian one-day cricket jersey
Shit tatts with no meaning (and they're thinking of getting sleeves)
Old copy of Ralph
Schapelle Corby
Southern Cross Tattoo
By the way I have about half the things on each list!!! I will probably fall into a trap. 









Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Dating

People should first read- http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/ and http://wheelercentre.com/videos/video/christian-lander/ a satirical look at what white people like, and everything we think we do that makes us unique, but what makes us exactly the same as everyone else. I also recommend girls read that website before they hate me forever.

What I know About Women – Dating.

This goes out to all the girls who have tested me, thought my book smarts were intimidating or boring; thought I was gay because I never hit on them, have giving me STD’s, thought I was shy, didn’t relate to their feelings, and those who have gone onto bigger and better things without me.

All of my girlfriends have been typical white girls, even the Asian ones. One of my first girlfriends was really posh. Her dad was director of a large law firm and was always away on business trips in far flung places. She was a European White girl and wore clothes that she thought were unique, attention-grabbing and authentic. She also collected vinyl records and was a pretend vegan and would ask me if honey should be eaten by vegans or not.

My Asian girlfriend was really white. She had the least tolerance for conservatives, drank purified water distilled from the mountains of the Swiss Alps, was really snobby, was obsessed with organic food and rode a fixed gear bike (the biggest killer of hipsters in the world). I think she thought she was being unique.

“‘White’ is more about class than anything else. You don’t have to be ‘White’. You just have to be rich (rich enough to be able to fulfill as many things on the list on the website).  The white girl is very liberal, but only really open minded to the point of trying new ethnic cuisines. Oh, and she’s very open-minded to hearing progressive ideas she already agrees with. They all have English degrees in one way or another. And if they don’t, they read a lot. The white girl is very well-read. The majority of them are foodies. If you want her to consider you husband material, giver her the impression you’ll be happy to eat with her a lot. It’s expensive and exhausting being a white woman. She needs accessories like Moleskin notebooks and stylish, environmentally friendly transportation. She also needs time for the latest foreign-military fitness regime (including Zumba). In addition to the yoga, the reading, the watching of independent films and critically acclaimed TV series. Natalie Portman is the embodiment of the white girl. As is Zooey Deschanel. Susan Serandon is the perfect example of the white girl in her later years. She maintains both her self-righteousness and also good skin.”

It is my humble experience to suggest that Australian women, in general, are picky. But I have only reached this after first hand experience being overseas and reading forums and educated articles. But I don’t know how much an advantage an accent is overseas - again from experience, a lot. What I did think was funny and didn’t really surprise me, was this piece, “Women are far more choosy about casual sex than men, who do not specially care whether a woman is moderately or exceptionally attractive as long as she hops into bed, new research says,” at http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/13/2654188.htm . It even rates how picky some countries are.

“The white women’s best quality – at least from my perspective – is her ability to eliminate men from being feasibly dateable. Her standards are incredible. Most of these standards aren’t related to physical attractiveness, because she knows that beauty fades or can be fixed. Most of her criteria relate to awesomely snobby things. She’ll be dating a guy for a while and she’ll say, ‘Pushkin”, and he’ll say, ‘Who is that?” Bam! Relationship over. I appreciate this quality, more than any other because it’s allowed me to date many women. Unfortunately, this choosiness is also the white women’s worst quality. Because her standards are so sky high – as they should be – there is an outrageous amount of men who can’t live up to them. So she inevitably goes through a very difficult time before she finds her match.”

The quotes are from Christian Lander - from What I know about Women, SMH and author of the above website.